"You haven't been to the meets this week."
Funny how the world could be so small sometimes. So I thought as I scrambled to get a hold on myself. It took all my effort to not just run and get the hell out of there, and I didn't even try to control my heart which was doing all sorts of acrobatics just at the sound of his familiar voice.
There were plenty of places he could have looked for me, the plentiful cafes in town, the parks where we used to hang out, the usual library I went to near my college. But somehow, he managed to find his way here, of all places.
Or maybe he already went looking around all those places for me, another part of my mind whispered. I ignored it and continued to gather my books. Steeling myself as best as I could, I finally looked up to meet his eyes. "For obvious reasons." I pushed back my chair and turned to leave.
"And what would avoiding me achieve?"
"It expresses my... answer to your suggestion best. Or it should have." I swept my gaze to the side, unable to bear the stiffening of his shoulders, the taken aback look in his eyes. It felt so damn wrong to talk so formally with him. "And I hoped it would give you some time to get over your..." I trailed off, mentally looking for the right words. "...misplaced interest."
Anger flared in his eyes at the term. "Misplaced interest? What the hell?" Hating him for making me do this, hating myself for hating him, I brushed past him with a "I need to go."
He caught my wrist, "Wait--"
Unable to fight back against the strong feelings of relief, mixed happiness, hate and most importantly, betrayal, I spun around and spat out, "We promised. That day we promised each other, dammit. You promised me you'd never hurt me. You promised me."
He flinched at the anger and resentment in my voice, hurt shimmering just under the the words. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Leia. I'm not, and I won't."
"But you are!" I said, exasperated. "You know that where this is going will only lead to hurting each other."
Frustration evident in his voice, "So what? You expect me to ignore what I feel? Will you keep pretending that you really just think of me as a friend?"
"If that's what it takes, then yes."
"Well then you must be made out of stronger stuff than me, because I couldn't go on pretending the day I realized I was in love with you."
In love with-- I choked. I tried to struggled out of his grip, but his fingers just tightened. "Let go of me." My voice trembled.
"Stop trying to run away. Look at me." His other hand cupped my cheek, turning my face to face him. "Look at me, Leia." His intense hazel eyes found mine. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said. "I don't ever want that."
"But you'll leave me. They always do. In the end, for one reason or another, you'll leave me." And that would hurt me more than anything else you could do. "This way, we'll still be friends, even if it takes a while before this whole mess is over."
"The only way I would leave is if you asked me to." By this time, I had stopped struggling and was simply trying to hold back my tears. "Trust me, Leia. Loving someone isn't usually the hard part, but trusting is. Trust that I won't leave you, trust that I really do love you, trust that the only person's happiness I care about more than my own is you."
I shook my head, lowering my gaze. "I can't. I'm scared, Caleb. I can't. I'm so sorry." Then I bolted out the door, not stopping to look back even once.
